Not according to plan but that's okay

 

It’s the first week of my senior year, and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Which, is great for me because I am a planner. Things are looking up but that was not always the case. It’s certainly not how I planned it.

Nothing ever felt right. Not even when I was so accomplished in high school, graduating with honors. Nothing was ever enough. I’ve always battled with perfectionism. I’ve always wanted to be so successful after college. To make my parents proud of me. It was almost a competition I created for myself with my twin brother, Brandon. I had to be better. With sports, grades, helping around the house… the list goes on.

I was not enjoying life as I should be. I put off hanging out with friends on the weekends to just do 5% better on an exam the next day. I was the student who prioritized academics over anything else. Even myself. I lost myself in the jumbled mess that was my life.

I would be so consumed with perfecting essays to the last comma, memorizing vocabulary until I could recite it, and spending hours studying alone in my bedroom, avoiding any social contact. Why, you ask? I couldn’t afford any distractions. At least, that’s what I told myself.

But now, as I embark on my final year of college, I have the great feeling things are finally starting to come together. And those distractions? That’s the fun to life. That’s what made me grow.

Go hang out with those friends until midnight and laugh so hard you cry. Go to that movie you’ve been dying to see since the previews came out. Go take that road trip to Crumbl Cookies 30 minutes away on a school night. Go join that social club even if you’re scared of meeting new people. Go visit your sibling two hours away at college just because.

Go, go, go!

These experiences can end up being the best experiences of your life. Cliché I know but, seriously. I found the bestest friends in these clubs like Cru and NCASC that will last a lifetime.

And that random college visit I took to see Brandon for a weekend? Instantaneously, without a doubt, it changed my life in the best way possible.

How could that be?

Well, I met the love of my life there. I’d marry him with paper rings if you know what I mean. I would’ve never gotten here if I said, “Oh, maybe later” or “Now’s not a good time.” Instead, I said, “Why not!” and drove up there the next day.

I wanted to be as transparent as possible when in public places to avoid any sort of attention or embarrassment. But, Ben, my boyfriend, wasn’t having that. He knew how I felt about it. So, what did he do? He meowed as loud as he could inside of Weis Markets, Target, or Wal-Mart. As crazy as this sounds, it did indeed help me feel more comfortable in public settings.

I started becoming more comfortable giving speeches. And that’s coming from someone who has an apprehension about public speaking. On my 21st birthday, I wore a birthday sash out to dinner. My parents were baffled and surprised. But, hey, I got a free dessert out of it. Candles and everything.

This special boy helped to bring me out of my shell that once protected me. Now, I have a big strong boy for that. Just kidding. I can do it myself, at least I think I can. 

You see, that's the continuous cycle that is my life. I think I can do it all by myself but, there are actually limits to what we can do.

Insane, right?

Right. Because, first of all, I would not be in the spot that I am in right now without the great amount of support I have received from my aunt, brother, boyfriend, and my parents.

It was not me accomplishing everything all on my own without any help. It was leaning on people when I needed a good cry. It was not the hours I spent alone in my room studying. It was pushing myself outside of my comfort zone.

It was discovering myself and finding happiness in it.

Success to me is not being at the top of your class or the president of your club. It's finding true contentment and balance in life. Not everything follows your carefully crafted plan but that's how you grow. I grew. That’s how I know. In fact, I’m still growing. I have another year ahead of me!

— Kathryn Henriksen, a senior communication studies major at Commonwealth University-Bloomsburg with an emphasis on organizational communication, is interning with the Office of Marketing and Communications this fall. She is a native of Pottstown who loves Andy Grammer, Nutella, and all 10 seasons of Friends.

#BloomOnward #HuskyLife